Up and Down, This Crazy Little Thing Called Life.
For most of the summer our dear golden retriever Buddy, has not been well. Convinced he was dying with stomach cancer I wrote his eulogy, knowing it would be more difficult to write when he died. Scans, ultrasounds, blood tests, no diagnosis. On medication he seemed to be getting better but continued to lose weight, down to 52 pounds. There’s still no diagnosis, but he’s holding his own, feeling better, and even gaining weight. He’s out of crisis for now. We watch him carefully and try not to panic when a symptom recurs. It’s always up and down where love is concerned; a pet, a child, death of a loved one, a home destroyed by hurricane or wildfire. First you absorb; then you cry. Then you breathe, step up to the plate, move one foot in front of the other. We do go on; up and down. And, so life goes.
Last week after getting a phone call from our daughter Debbie, Dave did all that. First, he absorbed. Then we cried. Then he breathed and made the phone calls to the other six. One foot in front of the other and move on to the front line in Georgia where we were needed. All the six, when he said, “Hi, it’s dad. I have bad news,” thought Buddy had died. That news was expected. Up and down, that’s how life goes.
But this bad news was not expected. No one could have expected that our son-in-law, our daughter’s husband, so young, so vibrant, could have died while sleeping. This is a man whose radiant smile is so organic, so authentic, that I once joked to my daughter, “Does that man sleep with a smile on his face?” She laughed and said, “Yeah. He does.” Everyone at his funeral remarked about his smile. How his smile could light up a room, relieve stress, and spread joy. Our granddaughter spoke eloquently and with amazing poise, tissues in her hand and tears dripping into her collar. She said, “I’m Bo’s step-daughter. He came into our lives when our family was broken. He was the most optimistic, most cheerful person I had ever met. He healed us with his smile and filled our home with love. We will all miss him terribly.”
Following the funeral, Debbie’s small home filled to overflowing with her six siblings and their spouses, and Bo’s thirteen siblings, spouses, and nieces and nephews from both families. His family is Filipino, known for their smiles and joy, and famous for tons of food to “make a party.” We ate, laughed, played mahjong, ate, watched videos, looked at pictures, ate, shared stories, ate. It was the up ending of the down day. Time to take that collective deep breath. Time to borrow from his optimism. Put one foot in front of the other. We will all go on, up and down, and when we think of Bo, we’ll remember how to smile.